...... and I wasn't ready to part company with them!
No, I wasn't about to join the local rugby team, not even the ladies one! This is the story of the hospital's one and only attempt to perform an endoscopy on me. Somehow I don't think they'll bother trying again!!
It has to be said the hospital porter was lovely, very chatty and cheerful as we whizzed along the corridors. On arrival in the sparkling new endoscopy suite the welcoming committee were nice and cheerful too. Lots of reassurances and "over in a flash" type comments. Then the consultant arrived and quick introductions made. That's when it all started going wrong.
I was originally referred to this consultant but as I needed seeing urgently and he was on two weeks holiday I was referred to another consultant. Not a problem in itself but why was he here now and about to stick a camera down my throat when he should be on holiday? So I asked. Maybe it came out as gobbledegook but my question went unanswered and I was wheeled into his lair.
Standing there was a miniature nurse, ok she wasn't miniature but she was little! She wasn't much taller than me and I was lying on a hospital bed. Nice calm words about the sedative going in and blah blah blah ...........then miniature nurse tried to do some unexpected dental work on my gnashers.
Now I'm quite fond of my gnashers, we've been through a lot together, like the day when I was seven and tried to knock all of them out on the playground. (My mum cried. Interestingly she didn't cry when I came home from the park with a gaping hole in my scalp!) I'm now the proud owner of some long standing crowns and a number of character defining chips and cracks. In my hazy, sedated mind miniature nurse was trying to push my prized and superglued front teeth down my throat with great force aided by a piece of black plastic. Well I wasn't having that, so in good Bad Fairy fashion I put up a fight and tried to move the black plastic weapon away. I'm sure I tried politely and calmly to indicate that I'd prefer her not to ram the offending bit of plastic quite so hard against my teeth but it seems that the message didn't come across like that. Mr Consultant didn't want to risk his expensive camera ending up a mangled mess so called a halt to the proceedings.....miniature nurse agreed (well she would wouldn't she?)
As revenge they left me as "nil by mouth" for the next 24 hours .......grrrrrrr!!!!
For anyone who hasn't had the pleasure of an endoscopy, they put a plastic guard in your mouth. It has a lip at the front which stays on the outside of your teeth and the rest lies inside your mouth to guide the camera down whilst protecting the camera from any inadvertent bites!
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:-( Horrid. My sympathies.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had an endoscopy (to see if my acid reflux was due to stomach ulcers) I thought I was gonna die. I struggled, trying to ask them to wait, but was held down. I was distraught, thinking that I was going to die right there, while my husband was in the next room - I burst out crying afterwards.
I had to laugh while reading this! It conjured up so many pictures, and I am so glad now that I refused an endoscopy to see if my rheumatoid arthritis meds had given me an ulcerated oesaphagus! I am sure they would have come away with a set of Raven Teethmarks!
ReplyDeleteOkay, this is really funny by the way you described the whole experience. Hahaha! Your Mom must have liked your teeth just as much. Well, even if your teeth already had several fixings, they're still special. No one would ever want to have them removed, anyhow; except if they're impaired and really needed to be extracted.
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