Wednesday 26 May 2010

Question time......

…..ponderings, Bad Fairy style.


Why does it seem that only my white hairs are falling out with this chemo and not the dark ones? My yellow Labrador seems to “melt” more than the black two do, maybe there‘s an explanation in there somewhere! Or maybe there are just more white ones to fall out in the first place.

Why are young children so accepting and resilient when life throws them some tough stuff to deal with?

Why do I manage to set the smoke detector off whenever I make toast?

Why is it that I go from feeling guilty to emotional in thirty seconds? An example, having my pre chemo blood test done on Monday, I told the phlebotomist I felt guilty jumping the queue (after dodging daggers in the waiting room). She pointed out that she didn’t think there was one person in the waiting room who, knowing my circumstances, would offer to change places with me and I wasn’t to feel at all guilty. I hadn’t thought about it like that before but I think she had a point.

Why do I now have freckles?

Why do people use the words fight, battle and lost when they talk about cancer? I‘m not saying these are the wrong words, after all we all have to use language which inspires us to keep going. Fighting and battling to me means that there is a winner and loser. One day I will lose because I started with an uneven playing field, I don’t mind being the underdog, but this is more like being the underdog’s underdog! It’s a bit like a knight going to battle against a dragon and he doesn’t get issued with a horse or a sword, slightly unfair and doesn’t really give him much of a chance does it? Anyway despite all of that I’m not a loser (and never will be where cancer is concerned)… so to me this is an adventure. I’m having new experiences, new challenges, making new friends and seeing the world through different eyes ….and you can’t lose on an adventure!

Why do I always ask questions?!

Saturday 22 May 2010

A cunning plan.....

….and an update.


In reverse order. Ten weeks of the little “Red Devils” followed by a scan and then we’d see where we were going next. Ten weeks have gone and the scan has been done. Despite my reservations that nothing feels any different and my liver function hasn’t improved tremendously, Dr Socks has cast his “untrained eye” over the scan and thinks it’s worthwhile doing, possibly, another six weeks with the “Red Devils”. Shows what I know! Besides, untrained eye or not, Dr Socks has seen far more of my insides than I have and is much more familiar with the lumpy bits …..I think it only right that I trust him on this one!

In the mean time a cunning plan has been devised. It involves glamorous assistants, preferably ones with feather boas and lots of sequins and the Magic Circle.

Picture the scene, a late night magic show, all swishing curtains, dramatic music and the aforementioned glamorous assistant. The magician brings on a long box and helps the glamorous assistant lie inside. The drapes fall. He slices the box into three. And then, as if by magic, he separates and moves the three boxes around the stage. Now comes the tricky bit. The Bad Fairy sneaks on stage and steals the middle box. Ha! One new liver and an hour glass figure to boot!

Ok, so maybe not practical but wouldn’t it be fun trying? Don’t think I’ve been banned from a magic show before!!

Sunday 16 May 2010

Mirror mirror on the wall....

…….whoops! It broke.


Who needs mirrors anyway? Any good friend worth their salt would tell you if you had a bit of greenery stuck in your teeth or if you’d dribbled your spaghetti down your chin.

Picture this. Take one friendly but hungry hamster. Take one bag of hamster snacks. Put hamster and hamster snacks in a small enclosed space and let the hamster stuff his little podgy face. When he’s stuffed and has cheeks bulging with goodies, carefully remove him from the enclosed space. Now for the difficult bit. Gently squeeze the stuffed cheeks of Mr Hamster, not hard enough that he spits his stash at you like a machine gun, I did say gently. Look carefully at his tightly closed mouth and you’ll see that the strain of keeping the near exploding cheek contents safe will have created wrinkles the size of the Grand Canyon around his hairy little mouth. Because this is an imaginary exercise (as if I’d encourage anyone to do that to a hamster), replace the hamster with ……..me!

Yup, that’s me. All puffed up cheeks with a little but hugely wrinkled mouth. It’s a very attractive look and one I’m expecting to see emulated by companies in New York and Paris next year. It’s ok though, wrinkly and squashed up mouths can still do smiling!

Wednesday 12 May 2010

Teeth ....

….again!

If you read about the evil endoscopy you will remember that teeth have been my Achilles’ heel since I was about seven.

Everything is out to get my teeth, it’s a conspiracy I tell you!! Carefully cleaning my pegs the other morning and a quick glance in the mirror revealed a line of manky looking tombstones. Yuk! My gums have done a runner, my teeth are covered in nasty splurges of yellowness thanks to medicated mouthwash and they look like they’d really like to leave home sometime very soon.

I didn’t mind my hair falling out with the chemo but didn’t bank on the teeth going too. Hopefully they’ll hang on for a bit longer. I can’t have any dental work done because of the “bonio” medicine (Zoledronic Acid) that I have every three weeks. It’s doing a great job keeping my bones strong but like all things it has its side effects. No invasive dental treatment for fear of the jaw bone dying … mmm… think I’ll try and avoid that one. Then there’s the chemo and limited dental work anyway because of infection risks.

Gentle cleaning with a baby toothbrush, mouthfuls of mouthwash and the occasional rub with a bit of bicarbonate of soda is all I can do for now. Either that or I may have to make a new feature of them and paint them different colours!

Does anyone have the phone number for a very generous tooth fairy?

Wednesday 5 May 2010

A grand day out......

….with sleeping bag and camping stove!


Well that’s what was intended for yesterday and that’s what I was going to write about but it didn’t quite go as planned, no surprises there then! It wasn’t really a camping trip or anything half as exciting or even exotic, it was a day trip to the hospital. A weird day thanks to the bank holiday messing up the usual schedule.

A normal week would see me either rushing to Gloucester on a Monday morning (about an hours drive) after taking the junior Bad Fairies to school to have a blood test done. Someone from the oncology team would then ring me Monday afternoon to say if everything from the test was ok and I could have treatment on the Mobile Unit on the Tuesday.

As faffy and annoying as this would seem for many, it’s become our “normal” so we don’t get stressed about it and just incorporate it into the week as best we can.

However yesterday was going to be different! We were prepared for a long day, hence the sleeping bag and camping stove. Fairy Godmother was all ready to collect the children from school, a bag with books, snacks and drinks was packed and mobile phones were fully charged!

The plan was … drop the children off at school, rush (within the speed limit!) over to Cheltenham to have the blood test done by 10am ready to see Dr Socks at 12pm and then have treatment at 4.30pm. In between times we were going to set up a campsite in the corner of the waiting room and make it a little home-from-home! Adding in the hour to get home again, Mr Bad Fairy and I were planning on getting home in time for the Juniors to be going to bed!

Remembering that this is the Tuesday after the bank holiday, lots of extra patients being fitted in and staff under loads of extra pressure, we started off well by only waiting until just after 11am for the blood test to be done. Then amazingly Dr Socks was early by a few minutes, a first since I‘ve had the pleasure of visiting him, it’s not unheard of to be an hour late. (As a patient I don’t get cross about delays, I understand that sometimes it’s impossible to discuss all of the things you need to in a short time slot. It’s inevitable that a percentage of patients will take more time on some days, other days you only need five minutes.)

Back to the waiting room for a light lunch and the expected wait for treatment. Sadly the wine waiter didn’t show up but I suppose you can’t have everything. What do you know though ….they provided entertainment! Not entertainment that was to everyone’s liking admittedly but it was different and not offensive. A man came in and played his piano accordion for an hour. Not something you expect in the Oncology Reception “Lounge”. Shame that the lovely elves in reception were so busy, they could have come out and done a nice little dance routine to accompany him. I did volunteer but was told to sit down in no uncertain terms! I wouldn’t be surprised if someone had got wind of our idea to become squatters in the corner and brought him in to scupper our plans!!

Whilst mooching around the corridors a short while later, something you have to do occasionally, I just happened to see the nurse who was co-ordinating the treatment room that day. Knowing that we have Juniors to think about, a fair old trip to and from the hospital, administering my Red Devils only takes about half an hour, my appointment wasn’t until 4.30 and I was (obviously!) already there … she squeezed me in early without putting anyone to too much trouble. By 2pm we were on our way home. How fantastic is that? I think that might cost me a couple of boxes of chocolates next week, well worth it.

So no squatting required, the sun was shining, lounge bar (minus the bar) entertainment and good company in the form of Mr Bad Fairy and the other “guests” , what more could you wish for on a day trip to Oncology?