Toxic burps.......

..….how to clear a room in an instant!


Have you ever stood in a queue and just wished that everyone in front of you would miraculously disappear? I have, I’m not the most patient of shoppers at the best of times, shopping fights for the prized last place on the to-do list with housework. I now have a secret weapon which clears an aisle/bar/queue in an instant!

The Toxic Burp. It’s a rather rank and putrid burp admittedly but it does a fantastic job so mustn’t be criticised too heavily. I think it’s brought about by the culmination of so many drugs to counter act the side effects of the side effects that the side effects cause … if you get my drift!!

Toxic burps seem to be rather selective which I suppose is a good thing. They pick one week at a time and then shuffle off and retreat to some little pit somewhere to be infused with smelly things until their next outing a couple of weeks later. The recipe would probably make for interesting reading.

Why not do the ladylike thing and keep them to yourself I hear you ask? Hah! Have you had toxic burps? Have you tried to suppress a toxic burp? Easier said than done. They have a mind of their own and will not be stopped in their flow. Their need to release that pent up stink, ideally accompanied by a rather loud expulsion of air, green puffs of smoke and a muttered “pardon me”, is far greater than any need to attempt to make me anything like ladylike!

Still, at least they’re top toxic burps and not bottom toxic burps. They’re visiting this week. Not sure why this week is special. Maybe it’s in the treatment plan? Yesterday was week five of the “Red Devil” and they appeared on week two as well. I might have to have a look at the schedule, make sure I make full use of any future visits!

Oooh….is that Mr Bad Fairy and the Juniors I see scrambling down the driveway clutching half-packed suitcases?!