Tears of a clown......

……when there’s no-one around.

Quite apt words I suppose. Clowns do cry and so do Bad Fairies.

This blog post has been rambling around my head for a while and after a few “moments” this week I feel I can now put the detail to it and be brave and share. I’m very conscious of the fact that I tend write as I think and most of the time I’m naturally quite cheerful and chirpy. Sometimes though the tears roll.

I’ve always cried, it’s not a new thing. Films, books, songs have all been known to set me off. The sort of crying that involves a few tears meandering slowly and discreetly down a cheek.

But something has changed. My emotions are more free-flowing and more open than ever before. I haven’t got time to waste bottling things up so I’m less guarded, I can’t think of a better way to describe it.

These tears are a whole new experience. They’re not tears for me or indeed anyone else, they’re not tears of sadness, frustration or even anger. They’re tears brought about by the kindness and thoughtfulness of others towards me, including strangers. That sounds awful doesn’t it? You’d think no one had ever been kind to me before! They have, but I’ve never been so touched emotionally by it, or at least not to the extent that I bawl my eyes out and turn myself into a soggy faced, unable to talk, crumpled heap for five minutes at a time! As you can see it passes quickly but it is unbelievably intense whilst it lasts and usually happens totally out of the blue.

Some examples of the things that have set me off this week alone…..

An email from a wonderful lady to say thank you for some flowers I‘d given her. Apparently my timing, unbeknownst to me, was perfect and the flowers had lifted her just when she needed a little boost.

My mum’s hairdresser Ali, asking if I would allow her to wear my name on her back when she and some friends run the “Race for Life” this year. Ali doesn’t really know me, but is a good friend of Mum’s and (unfortunately for her!) she gets to hear all about me.

Another email, forwarded by an aunt from a friend of hers who had read this blog. Such encouraging and supportive words, again from someone I don’t know but full of care, compassion and positive vibes for the Bad Fairy family.

And finally my Fairy Godmother. She reads me like a book, touches on subjects no one else has the courage to discuss and always with impeccable timing. She just “knows” if you know what I mean. Where would we be without a Fairy Godmother? I think she deserves a blog post dedicated just to her!

I’ve no idea how to label these tears …..any suggestions?